Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Benny the Bull is Out of Control

Like professional athletes, mascots are there to entertain the paying customer. With their soft coat of synthetic fur, plump underlayers of cotton fat, and fun-loving ways, the mascots even become favorites of America's youth.

When athletes make mistakes, they face the consequences. Former Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson was thrown out of town after numerous gun charges. Likewise, Warriors guard Stephen Jackson and Titans cornerback Pacman Jones have found themselves in similar positions: connected to various legal problems, suspended by their leagues, and traded/will be traded from their respective teams.

In one American city, the same cannot be said for a mascot. Benny the Bull, the once-beloved mascot of the Chicago Bulls, has been given multiple chances to clean up his act. Last night, Benny the Bull was involved in another shooting. Unlike the players, he brought his violence onto the court.

Benny was involved in a late-game trash talking session with Boston Celtics forward Kevin Garnett and James Posey. With frustrations over the pending defeat mounting, Benny the Bull was unable to contain his anger. Benny loaded a T-shirt launcher with a projectile (presumably a shirt; you never know with bulls). The projectile was launched and struck Posey in the back.

Garnett initially had to be restrained by a member of the officiating crew as Benny looked on a safe distance away. Posey, a hated man in Chicago after several hard fouls against Bulls players, believes Benny the Bulls was ordered by his superiors within the Bulls organization.

“I don’t know - I feel threatened,” Posey said. “I don’t feel safe. They really have tough love here, but it was definitely an inside job. They made the mascot do it. I got hit in the back walking away. That spot on my back is sore. I might have to get treatment on it.”

Loyal fans of Benny the Bull know this is not a first time offense for the mascot.

In January of 2004, Benny was arrested on the 500 block of West Locust Street for "delivery of suspected cannabis," according to Chicago police spokesman Sgt. Edward Alonzo. Police officers saw him carry out three suspected drug deals from the trunk of his car. Benny the Bull then started walking down the sidewalk when the officers stopped him and found a little more than six ounces of marijuana in a brown paper bag he had been carrying.

On July 3, 2006, Benny the Bull was busted at the Taste of Chicago. Police reported Benny ignored an order to stop riding a motorbike. He struck an officer who tried to pull him over. Benny the Bull was charged with misdemeanor battery and cited with driving on a sidewalk.

There is no reason parents should have to worry whether their kids will befriend such a disgusting mascot-being. In addition, the Bulls organization must show they do not condone his actions. There is only one thing to do: Bulls GM John Paxson must trade Benny the Bull to the Dallas Cowboys for a 4th round draft pick in the upcoming draft.


About the Undrafted Free Agent

Ron Crimson was the only player on the high school roster to not get in a game. He couldn't argue with the decision, because he sucked. Needless to say, yet stated anyway, when he entered the NBA draft following his sophomore season in college, he went undrafted. Now, Ron Crimson is the Undrafted Free Agent.

Contact the Undrafted Free Agent

Interested in informing the Undrafted Free Agent of his mistakes, advertisement opportunities, or a scoop on the latest sports scandal? (You can guess which is more likely.) Well, email him at undraftedfreeagent [at]

Look at This!

There's nothing here; I just needed to fill some space. Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! I also needed to balance it out a bit.

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