8.12.08: Bringin' Home the Blogs

Every Tuesday and Thursday, I dig through the Sports Blogtopia to find the best posts to share with you, my loyal readers, like a father bringing home the bacon (or something like that). Now, I'm Bringin' Home the Blogs...

In a great piece of (realistic) Olympic fiction, evil Yao and the Chinese commies scheme to snatch America's lone chance at redemption, trapping the "Redeem Team." Who, if anyone, is brave enough save them and the freedom they represent? Go to BLACK HEAR GOLD PANTS and join the fun!

Will this man be able to thwart China's sinister plot?

Are youth basketball coaches so focused on winning that player development takes a backseat? Yes, according to former NBA coach turned blogger ERIC MUSSELMAN.

THE LEGEND OF CECILIO GUANTE takes a look at the Yankees' failed youth movement. Talk about bringing smiles to the faces of Yankee haters everywhere!

Louis Williams, Sixers guard and future stud, signed a five-year, $25 million contract extension last week. In due time, he will be a bargain, writes EMPTY THE BENCH.

Now for some breaking news, courtesy of the WALKOFF WALK. The Reds pitchers are struggling, but fortunately for them, manager Dusty Baker knows the cure: running. That Dusty Baker sure knows how to handle young pitchers.^[1]

1. Friedell, Nick. "Did Dusty Baker learn nothing from Mark Prior and Kerry Wood?", Big League Stew.

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Chris Kaman is a Hair Stylist!?!!?

Of all the news that I missed over the last week, nothing was more shocking than learning that Chris Kaman is a barber. For a refresher, here are a few pictures of Chris Kaman.




How does anybody turn to Chris Kaman for a haircut? Apparently, I wasn't the only one thinking along these same lines. Below is an exchange between Brad Townsend of the Dallas Morning News and Jason Kid.

Kidd: "Hey, have you talked to Dirk?"
Townsend: "Yeah. Have you seen his hair?"
Kidd: "Yeah. Man, who did that?"
Townsend: "Chris Kaman. If you are Dirk and you make his money, do you let Chris Kaman cut your hair?"
Kidd: "No way."

As you might have imagined, I would never let Chris Kaman touch my mane.

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Kobe Starts His Hog, Or Why I Should Have Kept Watching

As I mentioned before, I skipped out on the end of the United States' thrashing of China. What a stupid mistake! I missed out on the following gem from Kobe. Thankfully, Tirico Suave has my back with the video and some masterful editing.

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What About that Mariners Hat?

Last Thursday, a reader named Bud wrote Hot Clicks to ask about a specific Seattle Mariners hat, pictured below. To his knowledge, a hat with this compass logo/color combination was never worn by the team. However, Bud needed some help from fellow readers to confirm his suspicion.
I tried my hand at helping him out. Needless to say, three hours and (well) over 200 Google Image Search pages later, I have decided to give up. Though the Mariners wore similar hats (shown here and here), I found no real pictures to lead me to believe such a hat "exists." I did find this picture of Alex Rodriguez, but that doesn't really prove anything either way.

Was my search a complete waste? In short, no. I stumbled across the autograph website that is selling this particular hat. For $100, you can buy the hat, complete with its (claimed) Ken Griffey, Jr. autograph. Before you do, give that autograph another take. It reads "Ken Griffey 8." If you will recall, Junior wore 24 while Senior sported 30.

Maybe the forger, when examining Griffey's autograph, confused the "Jr." for an eight. Maybe I'm mistaken, and the "Jr." only looks like an eight. This is what I know for sure: this picture is creating more and more questions.

EDIT: A commenter mentioned Griffey's "Jr." looks like an eight in his autographs. Here are four pictures for reference: 1, 2, 3, and 4. The autograph above looks to be a fairly perfect eight, while other autographs have other markings. Maybe it's just a result of a thicker marker? You be the judge.

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The "Redeem Team" Beats China: Irrational Hate, Truth, and a Five-Point Summary

I, like President Bush, was one of one billion fans who chose to watch the "Redeem Team" take on Yao Ming and his Chinese brethren. The United States won by an unknown (to me) final score. I, like President Bush, stopped watching when the game was over instead of when the game was officially over.

LeBron and the U.S. steamrolled through China.

There were a few thoughts -- recurring themes, if you will -- that kept coming to mind as I watched the game. They are:

• I really, really, really dislike Dwyane Wade. If he ever decides to play with intelligence instead of relying solely on his athleticism, he would be as good as he is portrayed to be. Unfortunately, I've been saying that for years now. Defensively, Wade is still incapable of sliding his feet; instead, he runs alongside offensive players, jetting into passing lanes. Thankfully for the U.S., his opponents have been unable to convert.
• Dwyane Wade needs to stop cherry-picking. I'm sorry, but I had to give this its own bullet. At least two times, Wade strolled back on defense, reached the three-point line, and after a Chinese miss, sprinted to the offensive end for an easy dunk. You can call it cherry-picking or sand-bagging (or whatever else), but this fact remains: you wouldn't get away with that crap at the YMCA. D-Wade does it in the Olympics?
• Chris Paul has improved defensively. I know, China's guards aren't the physical types that typically give him fits, but Chris Paul was noticeably this time around. Following an exhibition game against China two years ago, I wrote this: "While I’m bashing some of the NBA’s young stars, I might as well hoop on over to the Chris Paul bandwagon... where I subsequently beat the driver of the aforementioned wagon with a baseball bat. Chris Paul is quickly becoming the most overrated player in the NBA; sure, he’s a step above spectacular offensively, but he cannot stay in front of his man for the life of him (at which time I flash back to Carlos Arroyo shooting a lay-up while CP3 was still scratchin’ his head at the free throw line). At this point he isn’t even average defensively." Obviously, I can't write that anymore.
• Jason Kidd has no business playing, let alone starting. During the telecast, Mike Breen mentioned that Dara Torres was an inspiration to an old-in-the-tooth Jason Kidd. I laughed. Torres -- despite her age -- posted the best split on her medley team, whereas Kidd is easily third-fiddle at his own position. Deron Williams and Chris Paul are better creators, shooters, and -- at least today -- defenders. Experience didn't really do much for Kidd.
• LeBron James is really a fine player. Need I say more?

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Gary Coleman Ejected in Baseball Debut!

Yesterday, we reported the Madison Mallards' contract offer to Gary Coleman. As it turns out, Coleman decided to accept their proposal and made his baseball debut last night. He was promptly thrown out.

Here's the video:

Thankfully, the ump comes through with a short joke!

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Gary Coleman to Play Minor League Baseball?

The Madison Mallards, a minor league baseball team in the midsts of a playoff push, are willing to win at all costs. The Mallards, in what is being considered an unprecedented move, have offered a contract to a former star: Gary Coleman of Different Strokes fame.

“As the Mallards prepare for the playoffs we feel that we need a special player to help put us over the top,” said Stenman. “Gary brings a lot of intangibles to the field and I feel like his presence would help invigorate our club as they get ready for a run at a championship. You can’t coach a strike zone like Gary has and I anticipate him being a force at the top of our lineup.”

Manager C.J. Thieleke is excited about the possibility to work with the star.

“I feel like he could develop a couple different strokes to rule the Northwoods League,” said Thieleke.

Under league rules, Coleman would not earn a paycheck for his play. He has yet to accept the contract offer. Until then, Mallards and their fans will be keeping their fingers crossed.

Tip of the Undrafted Free Agent's hat to THE SPORTS POINT.

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Manny Ramirez Hates Troops, Kids With Cancer!

The Red Sox have ridded themselves of their major malcontent, Manny Ramirez, by trading him to the Dodgers. In the weeks leading up to the trade, it was obvious the relationship between club and star was deteriorating. I mean, just ask Buster Olney: it took Manny 5.7 seconds to run out a grounder; that's glacial in baseball terms!

As with any nasty breakup, both sides will try to paint the other as the bad guy. Manny had his turn yesterday, saying the Red Sox were a bunch of backstabbers. No word from the team.

I can only imagine what the writers, who no longer rely on Manny for interviews, will have to say...

• Manny Ramirez beats on the elderly.
• Manny Ramirez hates kids dying from cancer.
• Manny Ramirez fakes injuries.
• Manny Ramirez hits his teammates.
• Manny Ramirez hates the troops.
• Manny Ramirez didn't keep a promise that he made when he was in his teens.
• Manny Ramirez is the biggest bum ever.

Wow.

So, Mr. Callahan, why wait until Manny was traded to share this with his (former) fans? Were you afraid to write, "Hey, you know that guy you fans adore? He's a real jerk," when the fans still supported him? Were you under orders to keep that stuff quiet? What gives?

Now, I'm not defending Manny Ramirez. Most likely, he is a jerk. I just love how some writers sit on this stuff until after the fact.

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