Monday, June 23, 2008

Steven Jackson Brutalized in Colon-Cleansing Procedure

Too often, money hungry NFL players are just full of shit when it comes to their contract demands. That's what I always say. St. Louis Rams running back Steve Jackson isn't demanding more guaranteed money or anything like that. Still, his girlfriend suggested he get his system cleaned out.

Jackson and his girlfriend, Supriya Harris, decided to have a colonic, a colon-cleansing procedure. Michael Silver of Yahoo! Sports has the lowdown:

"My hands were covered in sweat, and the (colon therapist) lady comes in and starts talking my ear off. There's this thin hose-type-thing that you put up there that shoots water into you and sucks everything out, but I had trouble getting it in, and then it kept coming out. The lady had to come back six different times and put it back in there. It was brutal."

Interjected Harris: "When we got done and he walked out to the waiting room, I said, 'Steven, are you OK?' He said, 'I don't want to talk about it.' I swear to God, he looked like a kid who'd been in there with R Kelly."

Jackson laughed at the memory and shook his head in mock disbelief. "I can't believe we're talking about this," he said. "But I will say this: Once you get it all out of you, your body feels great. You get a boost of energy, and you feel like you can accomplish anything."
To put this in perspective, Johnny Knoxville had a colonic on Jackass. I can only imagine how unpleasant this experience was.

2 comments:

Anonymous,  July 31, 2008 at 6:28 PM  

He looked like a kid who'd been in there with R Kelly - brilliant!

colon cleansing diet August 20, 2008 at 7:16 PM  

"I had a colonic," Jackson said, referring to the trendy colon-cleansing therapy that is akin to an extended enema on steroids. "My girlfriend had the bright idea: 'Let's go get your system cleaned out.' It lasted about 45 minutes, and by the end, I (expletive) wanted to cry. Let's just say I got stabbed in the (rear) six times."

For those of you who'd prefer to be spared the details of Jackson's ordeal, one which added new meaning to the term "What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas," I'll save them for the latter part of the column. I'll warn you, too, so you can decide for yourselves whether you're up to learning whether everything comes out OK in the end.

Besides, as Jackson is the first to admit, the colonic wasn't the only time he felt violated this offseason.

About the Undrafted Free Agent

Ron Crimson was the only player on the high school roster to not get in a game. He couldn't argue with the decision, because he sucked. Needless to say, yet stated anyway, when he entered the NBA draft following his sophomore season in college, he went undrafted. Now, Ron Crimson is the Undrafted Free Agent.

Contact the Undrafted Free Agent

Interested in informing the Undrafted Free Agent of his mistakes, advertisement opportunities, or a scoop on the latest sports scandal? (You can guess which is more likely.) Well, email him at undraftedfreeagent [at] gmail.com.

Look at This!

There's nothing here; I just needed to fill some space. Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! Space eater! I also needed to balance it out a bit.

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